Thursday, December 6, 2007


The Sea Vampire community has launched a nationwide protest against the U.S Coast Guard and other forms of marine-based law enforcement, claiming that the constant patrol of coastal waters has seriously reduced the population of pirates, the Sea Vampires primary source of prey. While Sea Vampires once thrived in the pirate-rich waters of America's west coast and various South American coastlines, the pirate population has shrunk immensely in the last two centuries. This, the Sea Vampire community claims, is largely due to law enforcement efforts they consider "excessive" and "irresponsible".

"We would like to send a wake-up call to the U.S government that this kind of unsustainable harvesting of sea-based criminal elements can not continue unchecked without serious consequences for the Sea Vampire community, and thus the oceanic ecosystem at large," an un-named representative said during a press conference Tuesday, speaking through an interpreter who he psychically controlled with a finger embedded in the spinal column. "We realize that pirates and other hostile sailing groups can be dangerous to their respective socio-biological climates if allowed to over-populate, but some kind of balance needs to be achieved or Sea Vampires will be forced into either extinction or land-based predation."

The possibility of dwindling marine habitats forcing Sea Vampires onto land has been a longstanding fear of both humans and Sea Vampires alike, as the lack of access to pirate prey would likely result in Sea Vampires expanding their diet to include regular humans. Sea Vampire advocacy groups fear that such a shift to widespread consumption of law-abiding humans unaffiliated with marine crime organizations could do irreparable damage to public perception of the Sea Vampire community, reviving old stereotypes, and further blurring the line between generally peaceful Sea Vampires and their more militant, extremist counterparts on land.

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