DO NOT MESS WITH THE SHUTTLE!
Unapproved personal shuttle trips are NOT acceptable. Last Monday the Shuttle had 1200 extra miles on it that were NOT accounted for by the last orbit launch, and some of our employees came in to work looking suspiciously tan. The shuttle is a multi-million dollar piece of government equipment, it is NOT for personal use. Thank you.
SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence)
PRANKS = NOT FUNNY
To whoever has been making the late-night phone calls to the receiving room and talking in an "alien" voice about outer space and other planets, please stop doing this. The search for extraterrestrial life is a serious pursuit which for most of us here is the focus of our entire lives. Apparently a few jokers in the call center think it's funny to make light of this and to trick their fellow employees into thinking that "aliens" are calling them on the phone. Whoever is doing this, please try to exhibit professional behavior from now on. Thank you.
Department of Homeland Security
PLEASE DO NOT PLAY WITH THE TERROR-ALERT LEVEL MACHINE
This is not a toy, people.